Don't we all wish we had a large number of close friends, with whom we could discuss, question, and debate the most intimate questions regarding sex? I certainly do. I have a few friends with whom I can ask some intimate questions, and I truly feel I can discuss any aspect of sex with my husband, but I want more. I also want to share some basic concepts and opinions that I've acquired over the years, because apparently some people have some misconceptions or are uninformed (from what I've seen in Orgasm Inc.).
I'm not judging anyone - how are we supposed to learn about sex? Sex Ed in school is certainly not going to answer most young people's questions. Movies, TV, and porn present unrealistic and non-normal situations as normal (such as sudden sex with no lube and no foreplay, totally shaved perfect bodies, simultaneous orgasms with no clitoral stimulation, etc.).
I also encourage people to contact me at pondersex@gmail.com. I don't know all the answers. I don't even know all the questions.
OK, so here is the first tidbit of opinion that I felt like screaming to a woman in Orgasm Inc.:
TOUCH YOURSELF DURING SEX!
One woman in the documentary said that she couldn't achieve orgasm during sex, so she felt she had "Female Sexual Dysfunction." She participated in a clinical trial for the Orgasmatron, where an electrode was surgically implanted in her spine to hopefully allow her to achieve orgasm via electrical impulses. It didn't work for her - she still couldn't achieve orgasm from intercourse. Then it is revealed that she can orgasm in other ways, just not during sex. My jaw dropped. If she can orgasm other ways, then she can orgasm during sex - she just needs to incorporate the actions that work when she is alone into sex. I'm betting she touches herself (her clitoris) with her fingers or a vibrator when she is masturbating. Does she touch herself with her fingers or vibrator during sex? This is the first question that anyone who was truly trying to help her should have asked. But the researchers weren't trying to easily help her orgasm - they were trying to sell her drugs or an implant. They wanted her to believe she had a disorder so that they could make money "curing" her.
So, to all the women who can't seem to come from penetration alone: you are normal. You are not broken. But just because you're normal, doesn't mean you shouldn't strive for more; the situation can be improved. First, if you've been faking orgasms with your partner, stop. How is he supposed to improve his game, or help you orgasm, if he doesn't realize you aren't? Second, if you haven't already, masturbate until you find what works for you - how do you get yourself off? For most women, it is touching their clitoris with their fingers or a vibrator. Third, do this during sex. I typically touch myself while we're fucking. Yes, you have to get your hand down there between your bodies (if your in missionary position), but it's not difficult. Sometimes I can get myself very close then stop touching myself and come just from the sex, but most of the time, I touch myself the whole time until I come. And in case you're wondering - yes, orgasm with a penis inside you does feel different (I think better) than a solo orgasm. That's just my opinion, but I do think every woman should try to get it to work, rather than resigning themselves to just masturbating afterwards.
Good Luck!
Ms. Pondersex
